Tiny changes in behaviour can have a big impact on your thoughts and feelings. And the smallest of steps can bring about a change!
I love Dr Phil’s famous question: “How’s that working for you?” Which is a question to pose to any person attempting to solve a problem in a way that has failed in the past. How is what you’re doing working for you? Are you getting what you really want and need? Is fundamentally what Dr Phil is asking.
Asking the simplest of questions can be the most profound, yet the most challenging. I remember once bumping into a friend who is a very successful entrepreneur, and whom I have a great deal of respect for. He asked me how I was and what I was doing, and as I proceeded to tell him (moaning about some work situation) he interrupted me and said “So, what are you going to do about it?” His question stopped me in my tracks. And I thought, “bloody hell – what am I going to do about it?”
Although I was uncomfortable with his question. Something deep within me had registered that his simple question had changed my mind set within a second, and what I heard was ‘How’s that working for you?’ Leading me to focus on what I was going to do or not do about the situation. Instead of moaning about it, I had to stop doing what I was doing and do something different.
You may have heard the saying ‘if you do what you have always done, you will always get what you have always got’. Basically, if it’s not working, then do something different. However, doing something different and, most importantly something that works, does require awareness, courage and a real desire to change; it’s easier to keep doing exactly what you’ve done before. Getting out of your comfort zone can be frightening, even if your comfort zone isn’t very comfortable. But if you want something different, then you have to do something different.
Here are 3 key questions that Dr Phil suggest you need to ask yourself in order to start creating what you want.
Write on a sheet of paper.
1) What am I doing that is working? What are the things that you are doing that are giving you the results you want? That could be your family, friends or career.
2) What do I need to stop doing?” Winners deal with the truth” says Dr Phil. Are you willing to tell the truth to yourself about what you are doing that is preventing you from achieving your outcome? What behaviour do you need to change? Do you moan, manipulate and lie to yourself and others? Do you play the victim letting others make all the decisions and then resent them for it? Are you super critical, always finding fault or have to be right? Do you procrastinate, constantly putting things off or have you just become lazy?
3) What will I need to do? What will empower you to change your energy and take action? What action do you need to take? What behaviour do you need to change and how do you start to make that change? What will you need to give or give up to get what you want?
For most of us, the thought of change and transforming ourselves to achieve a specific outcome can be daunting. To combat that, I always suggest taking baby steps from simply reading a book, sending an email or booking yourself on a course. I believe the smallest of step have the biggest impact on helping you change. And when the going gets tough; keep reminding yourself of why you want to make that change. What are the benefits of achieving this outcome? Why will life be better? Why will you feel better? What will the rewards be for yourself and maybe others if you make that change?
Start Taking Action
I like the ‘Act as if’ principle, based on research following William James theory that if you behave like a certain person you become that person. James hypothesised that the relationship between emotion and behaviour was a two-way street, and that behaviour can cause emotion.
The following techniques which are grounded in science and extremely simple can be found in Richards Wisemans book; Rip It Up.
Procrastinating? Start by doing something that you have been avoiding; spend just 3 minutes on the task, and act as if it is really interesting. People who do this are more likely to complete the task.
Smile: and you will feel happier. To get the most out of this exercise, make the smile as wide as possible, extend your eyebrow muscles slightly upward, and hold the resulting expression for about 20 seconds. Hurts your face, I know!
Got a difficult task to complete? Cross your arms and it will help you persevere. Make sure your computer monitor is slightly above your eye-line and, when the going gets tough, cross your arms.
Want to get motivated? Increase your willpower by clenching your fist. As Hung’s experiments show, tensing your muscles boosts your willpower. Next time you feel the need to avoid that cigarette or cream cake, make a fist, contract your biceps, press your thumb and first finger together, or grip a pen in your hand.
To increase your self-esteem and confidence, adopt a power pose. If you are sitting down, lean back, look up and interlock your hands behind your head. If you are standing up, then place your feet flat on the floor, push your shoulders back and your chest forward.
Tiny changes in behaviour has a big impact on thoughts and feelings. “So forget about positive thinking” says Richard Wiseman “it’s time for positive action”
The next time you get frustrated with yourself or your situation and want it to change. Look in the mirror and ask yourself, “How’s that working for you? And do something different.
Ref: – http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclass/The-3-Things-Dr-Phil-Wants-You-to-Ask-Yourself-Video
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/02/14/how-to-get-what-you-want_n_4762490.html
Dr Richard Wiseman; Rip it up and http://www.theguardian.com/science/2012/jun/30/self-help-positive-thinking
